Sunday, August 15, 2010

Your descent into streaming schlock begins here.

The internet is a strange thing. Its cons, for the most part, largely outweigh its pros, and it can only really be aptly described as a gorilla's asshole of a black hole. Its treachery runs deep, and once you get sucked into its vacuous netherworld of scat porn and ten-year-olds commenting on reaction videos, decrying the uploader as a "stupid dumb faggot gay," it's hard to claw your way out of its rotten anal cavity. But since you're in it already, you might as well explore, right?

One of the internet's few last bastions of hope and light is Netflix. Forget your local Blockbuster's shit selection and the inconvenience of having to go into the real world, Netflix is online and they mail their movies to your house -- and fast. But wait, even better: Netflix allows you to stream movies not only to your computer, but even to your TV. Tons of movies are there for you to choose from, and some, even a lot, are really, legitimately good.

But if you decide to delve past Netflix's asinine genre recommendations to you ("Visually arresting violent college comedies from the 1980's"), you find an evil underbelly that is where the internet dwells inside the golden walls of Netflixonia. You see, not even Netflix is free from the visual feces (figurative and literal) that inhabits the internet, and it comes in the form of god-awfully bad, really bad, so horribly, overwhelmingly bad-that-they're-not-even-good-bad movies. You know those movies on channel 425 on your DirecTV package? Yes. These movies are worse than those movies.

And this blog is determined to unearth them.

Welcome to SCRAPING THE BARREL.

- EVAN